Wonder
Two or Three days ago..
01.00 pm (Tapak konvo, UUM)
For no reason me and Ella (my junior) have no appetite to eat,
but both of us happen to have gastric and obviously we don't want to end up in hospital again.
so we went to tapak konvo and have a little bite of snack.
while waiting for the food,
we both argue something just went wrong, somehow, we both felt alone in a crowd.
I was saying that my life has become so boring lately and Ella felt the same.
we both think why this is happening and how we escape from this feeling.
Suddenly Ela speaks words of wisdom, she said, I think we should find ourselves boyfriend, kak.
We were busy over the peoples' business too much, now it's time for us stop and start to be less selfish.
and I was like, err, you might be right.
I suppose it's been two years since I got myself a boyfriend, and I haven't find new one cause I got too busy with my master and mulling over peoples' business.
but how about we just skip boyfriend and straight to find husbands.
both of us laughing and Ella said, she still young to think that far.
07.00 pm (Dewan Mas)
Some terrible tragedy happens and I can't even explain it in words.
I am just driving away, running away from this trouble with heart broken and felt betrayed.
start to blame myself to mulling over peoples' business.
how could this happen to me?.
....
I start to wonder again, what went wrong.
When I almost wet my eyes, suddenly I remember him.
should I find out he might be the reason that I end up like this.
I have to make this right.
without thinking I dial his number, and after a little conversation,
I got myself to join his convocation photo shot near the library.
....
07.50 pm (Library)
i guess word to describe the situation is AWKWARD.
because I'm the only one from Indonesia, feel so wrong,
but I still insist to stay, I need to find the answer.
....
It's been an hour since I heard adzan (Maghrib time).
and I start to wonder why don't they go to pray.
I told the girl who sat next to me, sis, this is almost isya time.
and she just like. yeah, and continue to take photos.
....
08.30 pm (Library)
Photo shot is over.
He told me that he got to go, but I haven't found the answer,
forget about dignity and pride,
I insist to stay,
my curiosity forces me to make up other excuses to stay a bit longer with them.
....
08.50 pm (Restaurant)
I got myself joined the dinner,
I have to admit I hungry since I have no proper lunch that day,
but a ... I start to see the things,
I don't want to compare things and end up like stereotypical person,
but i have to admit the fact that they were.... different.
when the food comes, I was like laughing in silent.
how am I supposed to eat this food,
I mean this is sour food, after the tragedy in Bangkok, my stomach can't stand it anymore.
I happen to sit in front of caring girl ever, she helps me with the dish,
and I was smiling and wondering this girl would be a great wife someday.
but when I eat the food, I was like, dear god. that was spicy.
I start to wonder why am I here again...
....
I have to admit He trying to help me with chit chat but we have no topic to talk though.
when we talk about academic, they start to feel bored, and said quit it already.
and out of nowhere He starts talking bout plan of marriage after study,
makes me wonder, dear Mia, your ex already got plan bout marriage after finish his studies,
yet you still like this, going nowhere.
....
I was staring at him while wonder this is not the man that I used to know.
The man that I used to know ever told me, he has no plan, just following the flow, have no desire to study and short of thing, but look at him now, surprised me he have a desire to continue studying.
but when I think over it again this must be the side of him that I haven't known yet.
....
They start to talk in their language, which I regret that I don't understand any word of it.
the girl who sat next to me can't help me with translating,
I look at the watch and it's been an hour since they speak in their language
I look at the man who can't speak in his native language (cause he happen to grow up in Saudi),
He was busy playing his phone. I curious how he manage to survive in this kind of situation all this time.
Start to wonder why am I here again.
Is it the thing that I have been looking for ?
Is it the thing that I have been chasing after?
....
almost 10.00 pm (Restaurant)
I wave goodbye to them,
I was meant to say its been a pleasure
but I have no power and felt guilty instead since I been bugging over their private event.
In the minute they were gone,
I start my car engine while smiling and said what are you doing Mia,
yet I felt relief.
I guess I found the answer of those questions.
He's not the one? or is he?
01.00 pm (Tapak konvo, UUM)
For no reason me and Ella (my junior) have no appetite to eat,
but both of us happen to have gastric and obviously we don't want to end up in hospital again.
so we went to tapak konvo and have a little bite of snack.
while waiting for the food,
we both argue something just went wrong, somehow, we both felt alone in a crowd.
I was saying that my life has become so boring lately and Ella felt the same.
we both think why this is happening and how we escape from this feeling.
Suddenly Ela speaks words of wisdom, she said, I think we should find ourselves boyfriend, kak.
We were busy over the peoples' business too much, now it's time for us stop and start to be less selfish.
and I was like, err, you might be right.
I suppose it's been two years since I got myself a boyfriend, and I haven't find new one cause I got too busy with my master and mulling over peoples' business.
but how about we just skip boyfriend and straight to find husbands.
both of us laughing and Ella said, she still young to think that far.
07.00 pm (Dewan Mas)
Some terrible tragedy happens and I can't even explain it in words.
I am just driving away, running away from this trouble with heart broken and felt betrayed.
start to blame myself to mulling over peoples' business.
how could this happen to me?.
....
I start to wonder again, what went wrong.
When I almost wet my eyes, suddenly I remember him.
should I find out he might be the reason that I end up like this.
I have to make this right.
without thinking I dial his number, and after a little conversation,
I got myself to join his convocation photo shot near the library.
....
07.50 pm (Library)
i guess word to describe the situation is AWKWARD.
because I'm the only one from Indonesia, feel so wrong,
but I still insist to stay, I need to find the answer.
....
It's been an hour since I heard adzan (Maghrib time).
and I start to wonder why don't they go to pray.
I told the girl who sat next to me, sis, this is almost isya time.
and she just like. yeah, and continue to take photos.
....
08.30 pm (Library)
Photo shot is over.
He told me that he got to go, but I haven't found the answer,
forget about dignity and pride,
I insist to stay,
my curiosity forces me to make up other excuses to stay a bit longer with them.
....
08.50 pm (Restaurant)
I got myself joined the dinner,
I have to admit I hungry since I have no proper lunch that day,
but a ... I start to see the things,
I don't want to compare things and end up like stereotypical person,
but i have to admit the fact that they were.... different.
when the food comes, I was like laughing in silent.
how am I supposed to eat this food,
I mean this is sour food, after the tragedy in Bangkok, my stomach can't stand it anymore.
I happen to sit in front of caring girl ever, she helps me with the dish,
and I was smiling and wondering this girl would be a great wife someday.
but when I eat the food, I was like, dear god. that was spicy.
I start to wonder why am I here again...
....
I have to admit He trying to help me with chit chat but we have no topic to talk though.
when we talk about academic, they start to feel bored, and said quit it already.
and out of nowhere He starts talking bout plan of marriage after study,
makes me wonder, dear Mia, your ex already got plan bout marriage after finish his studies,
yet you still like this, going nowhere.
....
I was staring at him while wonder this is not the man that I used to know.
The man that I used to know ever told me, he has no plan, just following the flow, have no desire to study and short of thing, but look at him now, surprised me he have a desire to continue studying.
but when I think over it again this must be the side of him that I haven't known yet.
people change memories don't
....
They start to talk in their language, which I regret that I don't understand any word of it.
the girl who sat next to me can't help me with translating,
I look at the watch and it's been an hour since they speak in their language
I look at the man who can't speak in his native language (cause he happen to grow up in Saudi),
He was busy playing his phone. I curious how he manage to survive in this kind of situation all this time.
Start to wonder why am I here again.
Is it the thing that I have been looking for ?
Is it the thing that I have been chasing after?
....
almost 10.00 pm (Restaurant)
I wave goodbye to them,
I was meant to say its been a pleasure
but I have no power and felt guilty instead since I been bugging over their private event.
In the minute they were gone,
I start my car engine while smiling and said what are you doing Mia,
yet I felt relief.
I guess I found the answer of those questions.
He's not the one? or is he?
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